I don't even know what it is I want to say here right now. I just feel something so intense, but I can't describe it. I feel pretty fucking good, to be honest! Aye... I feel alright! That girl made me feel fucking amazing. I can barely even put it into words how good she made me feel!
Fuck, I feel like I'm falling for her in some weird kind of way. I've always loved her as a close friend but never thought that would happen! I'm finding it hard to admit that in secret, I always wanted her... and ah, fuck it, why don't I just say it?! I wanted her and Djex! Fuck, why is this so hard to admit?! Is it because they're close associates and I never thought they'd ever be into that?! Is it because what I'm admitting to now sounds like some fucking creepy pervert's sordid fantasies, the kind of which ya fucking hear about in the information broadcasts and read about in conspiracy theorist's crap publications?! I don't know...

I just want to spend another night in bed with Vrigon. And why not just admit it? I'd kind of like to have her and Djex in bed, too. Together at once or not. Fuck, I don't care! It's just hard, when you're always trying to treat a woman with respect and like a person, but because ya have animal urges toward them, ya feel kind of guilty for it. And then, there's the idea that even if me and Vrigon do keep doing this and fucking all the time, then will it get in the way of her relatonship with Djex? I know it's always been open with them, and yeah, Djex fucked Zorgo half to death that time, but even so... you can never assume people's feelings won't get in the way. Even with our inbuilt chemicals which can induce calm when we feel stressed and even though we're pretty practised at logical thought and reason, we're not immune to irrational fears and feelings of awkwardness.

Fuck this, I'm whining like a fucking child now! Bollocks!
I'm not going to let this ruin my day. Damn, I feel good after being with her!! She's like perfect drug. Ya want her more and more. Such a warm person who makes ya feel good about life. She's seen such misery and I hear her crying in her sleep sometimes but even after all that, she can make people smile! Her body is as amazing as her mind, too. Fuck, I need to feel her against me again!!

Got to get Djex back... then we can all see how things turn out.

We really have to be cautious round this way, while we're looking for Djex. This whole situation is crazy. Times are getting bad now anyway. People losing their homes, and living off the scraps of the soldiers and politicians and business houses and corporations who run everyone's lives. Things are worse now than they've ever been in my lifetime. I see not just skirmishes and raids by pirates and desperate people. I can see so many colonies and worlds falling apart that full-scale war looks more and more likely. Maybe Djex got something we need to hit those Prosperitan bastards where it hurts... Suppose we'll just have to see.

I can't stop thinking about Vrigon. And in ways I never thought I could...
Got to see her again! Nothing's that different with us, but I feel more open and bonded with her than before. This is good! I feel good about that if nothing else.
Best go and See if Vandioch needs any help with keeping a lookout when we hit the hostile areas.
Signing out for now.