Teranwyn lived a lonely life. A sad and common occurrence in these times and typical of what was left of the population of run-down industrial space colonies like Taïtus 3. This once-active and even thriving place had now become so exhausted and depleted, that it was now a mere shadow of its former self. Its population had largely left or died trying to leave and those left behind lived on with the memories of lost times and lost pride. Teranwyn was one such person.
She got up and felt the usual, daily grim feeling she always had of being trapped on this gods-forsaken space colony. She looked out of the window of her living capsule and watched the sun rise. One thing about this miserable place that gave her sad life some joy was to see the colours of the sunrise in the morning, even if mornings on this place were kind of artificial! This place was never made as a place of beauty but, despite that, natural beauty managed to creep in and give inhabitants like her some small pleasures in an otherwise dismal environment. She stood in the window barely dressed and almost naked and gazed out into the void. She felt vulnerable and yet alive for those few minutes... these few minutes of what were going to be her last hours alive! Even this run-down, neglected industrial colony could look pretty at times like this. Even she felt pretty for once, on this morning! She usually felt ugly just like the place she was forced to live. Ugly and useless and nothing more than a waste of space.

Today, she had decided to take action and finally end it all. To terminate her pointless and increasingly miserable existence. It was kind of strange that today, of all days, she felt quite good. She actually felt that she was doing something positive and worthwhile in destroying herself. How fucked up was that?! Yeah... Very fucked up! That was something else she could add to her many reasons to end her life today.

She stood there for longer than usual, this being the last time she would ever do so. She thought of the people she'd loved and who was left among them. Those of them who hadn't been killed in various gruesome ways. The last one she'd seen was her old boyfriend who'd gotten himself killed by soldiers when he'd tried to steal some government crystals to sell to the black marketeer in his illegal arms deals. She thought of him and of the others and she felt herself crying suddenly. It crept up on her unexpectedly! She looked out and wiped away the tears and snot and felt ugly once again. So, she decided to get dressed in a minimal way but a nice one. She went to the clothing container and got out her grey dress which always looked good on her, no matter what day it was and made her feel attractive without having to try too hard. She loved this dress, stark but stylish. She put it on and looked in the mirror for one last time. She was never going to be beautiful in her mind, but she looked good by her standards. She was satisfied enough that this was what she'd wear on the last walk of her life. She attached the belt which came with the dress and she was done.

She made herself a drink of the local brew. She was running low on food and didn't see the point in wasting any more on herself when someone else could use it when they found the place. She slid on her small fabric boots and walked towards the door. She took the key to the pod and swiped it against the lock. As always, it opened and she stepped through the doorway out into the corridor tube and walked toward the door to the outside world. She felt the fresh air hit her and the warmth of the sun suddenly and pleasantly caressing her face. She walked on down the stairway toward the ground and carried on toward the bridge which overlooked the flow of the river. That pleasant place where the sun rose in the morning and where she would breathe her last breath.
The sun on her skin made her feel less despairing than she had the previous day. She almost felt happy in her otherwise miserable life. How strange it was to feel like this in the last half-hour of this life! She carried on down the walkway. She thought again of all the people she'd known. Her thoughts kept going round in circles and loops of these lost, happier times. Those people in her past who had died and those who had gone on to better things, few of them that there were! Not many people had much future in this place. It made her sad to think of those people she had lost. It made her more determined to do this final thing.

Then, she thought of the people still here who she still knew and who might even notice her gone. Then she thought, yeah right! As if anyone really cares about me!! She thought of the friendly old lady who always greeted her when she saw her who and often brought things to help her out when she was hungry. That old lady might notice but Teranwyn hoped she'd understand. The old lady would see how bad things were and how she couldn't go on like this. It wasn't right anymore and it was hopeless. Then she thought of the charming guy she'd met at the bar, the other night. The scary cyborg guy. He had made her feel good, despite his frightening appearance! He had this way of making her actually like herself and make her feel like a real person... more than most men had in a long time! He'd be a nice guy to see more of. But in reality, most guys like that disappear into the night or turn out to be bastards! He seemed like something far from a bastard, but he'd vanished off and she hadn't seen him since. He gave her a big hug which made her feel good when she saw him last. His name, she couldn't remember. Damn her useless memory!

Well, it didn't matter now. She was doing this. This was it. This was the end. Her last remaining friend... Her only friend!

She carried on down the walkway. There was barely a soul about. This place was becoming like a ghost town. Each day, it seemed more and more deserted. Her loneliness increased. She felt like this was the perfect time and the perfect excuse to end her life, and yet she almost felt disappointed that there was no one there to tell her not to do this. She started to wonder if this was what she really, truly wanted...
But she felt as thought she almost had to do it! She'd made up her mind last night and she couldn't back down now. Have some commitment for once and fucking follow through with something, she thought to herself in her introspective angry mood. Even if it's only to end your miserable fucking life! Her thoughts became so hostile to her, that they seemed almost like a voice independent of her. Her self-loathing had almost consumed her, totally. This shook her and made her feel utterly destroyed, even before doing this final deed! She walked on, head slumped forward, down towards the bridge where she would jump to her death. She kept on walking and thinking and all of the things in her life flashed before her. The times when she'd been happy and with friends and family. All gone now. She wished she could have those times back, but those memories would soon be washed away in a sea of death and despair.

She approached the bridge and stopped for a minute. She looked out at the view down the walkway and then towards the bridge. For once, the place looked vaguely pretty. She felt a sense of calm which contradicted her feelings of despair and self-loathing. She stood next to the bridge and looked down through its gaps, toward the flowing water below. Her place of devastation! She decided that her dress was too nice to destroy along with herself... so she removed it and left it in a neat pile next to the bridge. She climbed through the gaps in the structure, wearing just her undergarments. She felt vulnenerable and fragile, standing there almost as naked as she'd entered the universe and as she would now leave it. She stood there, feeling the sun's warmth on her skin. This warm feeling the sun was beautiful... she stood there for a few minutes and she thought to herself, what a lovely day. How nice to feel so free for the last time! She stood and looked down. A feeling of fear hit her, suddenly. She looked out towards the glowing sun again and felt more calm. She was going to jump. Any minute now she'd jump into that water and the cold and the toxins, which probably still polluted this river, would kill her in minutes. The thought of ingesting and swallowing all the crap in that water suddenly filled her with disgust. It almost made her feel ill. A combination of disgust, sickness and terror engulfed her.

She continued to stand there, thinking. She thought again of all the people who were gone. All the people she'd never see again and those she might see again in death... if such a thing as an afterlife did exist! She thought of that cute cyborg she'd met. Why don't they come to save you when you're going to die? She wished she could have seen him one last time? She wondered what he'd be like in bed. She'd never know now...

Her thoughts came to her like a tidal wave, almost engulfing her. She stood there, perched and she waited. Waiting for the right moment... thinking all these crazy thoughts and waiting for something... she didn't even know what! Thoughts hit her about the impact as she'd hit the water. She hoped this was going to be quick and not too painful! She kept thinking of how she couldn't see any other way out of this endless misery. She thought of how disappointed her parents would be if they were here to see her like this... was this cowardly or was it brave, ending her life this way? She thought of how she didn't feel like she even deserved to live! She kept thinking like this, like she was trying to convince herself that this was what had to be done... Her mind was racing and this enormous wave of non-stop thoughts came to her so fast that everything became garbled. It became like white noise in her head, taking her over completely and utterly until her brain felt like it was going to just shut down. These images and words were coming at her and rolling around her head and repeating themselves in an endless loop of noise and mayhem. Other random things jumped into her head to make things even worse. This was all too much... it became unbearable! In her head, she began to scream to these thoughts to go away. To shut up and leave her the fuck alone! She screamed so loudly in her head, that she found herself screaming out loud! She bellowed her blood-curdling scream for a few seconds and then stopped herself before she attracted any unwanted attention from anyone passing by. She looked around her in fear and discomfort but there was no-one there. No-one to hear her or to save her. The feelings of despair crept up again and her head felt heavy with all the emotional weight upon her. There seemed only one way now to stop it. She had to do this. There was nothing else left for her. She stood there, poised on the edge of the bridge, wanting to jump to her doom but somehow...

Hesitating...

She stood, perched there for one last second before jumping off. She looked out into the warmth of the sun... and she thought how beautiful it was...

How beautiful...