Vandioch, Sakaari Deathdroid: Number 7000 recording journal


I'm entering this journal with a heavy feeling in my heart.
I mean that figuratively, of course. Being a ‘droid, I don't have a heart in quite the same way as organic life forms do, but I trust that you’ll understand what I mean. I have a sick feeling in my “figurative” stomach. When we became self-aware, we acquired feelings of fear, anger, compassion and love, as well as a concept of “who and what we were.” That was when so many of us decided that what the old imperial masters were using us for was wrong. We decided we didn't want to be used as mere killing machines. But I shall leave the history lesson for another time.

How can I best explain such an awakening to those of you who are organic life forms? I suppose, it's not so different from how you develop from babies to self-aware children. I think this is how I can best describe it. Perhaps it comes on a little more sudden, but I think that might be the easiest way to explain it. The difference is perhaps that, for us, it was more like being awakened suddenly, and you are an instantly fully-aware being; not as gradual sentience is in your organic childhood.

I think we are alike in many ways, but that is also one of the main differences between us. Perhaps we don't always feel the same kind of primal urges or irrational fear, but even these are things we can be susceptible to. I don't get the kind of hormonal mood swings that many humans feel, but I do have mood swings of my own kind, and I have emotions too. I don't feel urges to fuck another machine (that idea seems as bizarre to me, as I suspect it does to you) but I do feel affection towards other beings and some kind of desire to develop and even fuse my own consciousness with something else to create a new one­­─­­─much like the way organic creatures reproduce. I also feel a sense of love and concern for my friends and my comrades (not that I separate the two, very much).
So, yes right now I feel an indescribable sense of concern and fear. Not for myself, but for someone who I have seen grow up into a wonderful person, who is so dear to me nowadays. I might guess that this is something like what flesh-folk call 'intuition' or 'gut-feeling'. Even after all my years of sentience, I still find things that surprise an ‘old droid like me. (*amusment/laughter insertion*)
--Please excuse my inserting of emotion indicators. It's a habit of mine which I never stopped (more amusement/laughter insertion*)

I should not joke about this feeling! I feel a sense of dread at what might be happening to her. That young girl, who I dragged out of that burning ship­­─­­─which had crash-landed on that asteroid­­─­­─all those years ago. She was screaming in terror, and there was no way I would have or could have left her there to die. Even then, I found that little girl delightful, and that has not changed to this day. She is one of my dearest friends, and I swore to look after her, so I intend to make true on my promise. Djex. That little girl who would become a notorious 'criminal'. She is important to me and I will always be there for her.
So, when I see the message she left for me, hours after she crept away in that damn Devastator fighter, my anxiety chemicals are activated and I feel concerned. (*sadness/anxiety insertion*) She left me a message, as I believe she did for Zorgo, Azzogh and Vrigon. She said she had to go down to that damn planet below. What in the name of reason is she doing this for? She's a troubled girl and known for her erratic behaviour, but this is a little crazy even for her! I am concerned. She kept talking about something that she ‘needed to collect.’ Something from her childhood. And any mention of Djex's childhood always makes me worry.
In half a standard hour, and I've arranged to meet with Azzogh, Zorgo and Vrigon. More information is needed to establish exactly where Djex is going on this world, and what it is she plans to do. As far as I know, we are perhaps the closest ones to her. I intend to discuss a plan of action with them and then perhaps decide what we shall do. The others can be informed in due course. It’s best not to worry them right now. They have enough to think about as it is.
I’ll update this journal as more information is gained.

Vanioch, Deathdroid 7000 signing out.