Logging on:- Star time 20 hours
I can't believe what I did last night!
Ya know what? I feel good! I feel better than I've felt in a while. All the stress and worry has gone for the time being, and it makes me feel good. I feel positive for the first time in ages. I actually slept last night! I haven't done this in the past few nights, but I felt so safe with him. With Azzogh.
But kinda conflicted, ya know?
I feel happy, in spite of everything. And feeling happy makes me feel guilty because I'm sitting here in my spare time, writing this to help me make sense of it all, and my girl is out there and probably in serious danger, while me? I'm here with a Azzogh's cum still in my body and feeling great because of it- and she could be peril or even dead!

I shouldn't be feeling like this. She seemed fine after she fucked Zorgo in the gun turret that time and she knew I didn't mind. So why the fuck am I feeling guilty?! Maybe just because I'm worried about her. We're all fucking tense right now. Times are getting really bad and people are jumpy everywhere and old hatreds are being brought up to distract everyone from the real abusers at the top. Now my love is missing and it makes it all worse-- No! I gotta stop thinking like this!

Azzogh made me feel good. Oh, man-- he made me feel so damn good! I feel something more than just friendship for him, which surprised me. Maybe that's making me feel so weird. I feel safe with him and I feel giddy when I see him, even more now since I fucked him than I did before! I felt such warmth from him when we had that meeting with Zorgo and Vandioch about what to do about Djex.
I was so stressed and worried about her. I still am. But Azzogh-- he was there next to me and he put his hand on mine when he saw how much I was shaking. I felt this juddering feeling of joy go through me. I felt turned on, like I get when Djex kisses me or puts her hand on my leg. I felt guilty then, cos I was so scared of what might happen to her and then suddenly feeling so good and so turned on by Azzogh. I haven't felt so attracted to a man in a while. It just felt so natural to ask him to stay with me that night. I needed him there. I just needed someone and I really wanted it to be him, that night.

Well-- I guess it was only to be expected that we'd end up fucking. I mean--now I look back on it, ya know? I never thought it would happen like that but it did-- and it made me feel so good! My flesh is crawling with desire now I'm thinking of him and talking into this device! I have to see him again!! I want him-- I love him
Fuck! I love him. I love Azzogh!

I said it--it feels right. I love Azzogh and Djex. I want the both of them. It's not forbidden in our lives but some people still have trouble getting over the old conventions of love and relationships. I always thought it was Djex who Azzogh wanted. Well, I know he does-- I sensed it from him when we were together, even though it wasn't something he said out loud or through our cybermind connection. Most people want her, but not all like I have with her. He seems to love her like I do. That could work out-- maybe. I hope it does. I hope it doesn't make her feel weird and I hope she likes the idea! I'm sure she said she liked him that way.

Oh, well, we will see what happpens. I want my girl back, so bad. I want to hold her and not let her go. I want her body touching mine. I want Azzogh, too. I want them both!

Fuck! I need to see Azzogh. I want him again and it's only been half a day since I kissed him after he filled me up. Fuck, I'm still sore after it and I could barely walk all day because of him! I want him again. I need to feel him inside me again while I look out at the stars. That felt so good! I need to message him.
Signing out for now.
Logging off time:- 20 hours, 45.